When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
