After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
