just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
