She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
