I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
