these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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