is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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