i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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