"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
