The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
