yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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