How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
