Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
from now on my penis is your penis
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
