Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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