I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
