He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
