After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
