If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
