Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
