His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
