so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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