The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
