'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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