I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
