but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
