you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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