Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
