i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
