He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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