I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
