If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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