sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
