I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
