I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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