around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
