life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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