Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
