yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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