Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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