I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
