I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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