Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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