I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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