Buhtt sex?
Welp...herpes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
