I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
