oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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