We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
