If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
