turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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