What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
