yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
