alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
