FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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